Things Russian Comedians Say When Doing Impressions Of Blustery Obese Americans

Good evening, I'm Russian comedian working on impressionation of big Americans. Please give me guide in helping me confirm my jokes. I appreciate your. - Vladimir (город Истра, Russian Federation)

List Generated:

-Hot dog sour cream banana, health fitness tomato sauce President.

-Soccer soccer baseball home run.

-Hair gel money Nacho Cheese seat belts.

-Buy low sell high, thunderstorm Nintendo power glove.

-New York Yankees RV Camper Las Vegas wildlife Big Mac.

-Ronald Reagan Jimi Hendrix therapy Berlin Wall.

-Mood Music hello goodbye Miller Lite.

-Dollar dollar hot dog stuffing Thanksgiving.

-Camaro Hummer beach surf board Vin Deisel pretzels The Gap.

-Cheerio bangers and mash trisket meat pie.

-Cookie cookie cookie.

Australian Lingo

I'm going on a trip to Australia soon and I hope to mix it up with the locals a bit. Just want to know if there are any words or phrases I should be aware of? - Noah (Johnstown, PA)

List Generated:

-aPhone - Australian version of the Motorola Razr V3

-Roohead - Someone who has a kangaroo head for a head.

-High Raiser - To successfully drop kick a tall tourist.

-Aussicopter - Any of a class of heavier-than-air craft that are lifted and sustained in the air horizontally by rotating wings or blades turning on vertical axes fueled by koala blood.

-Gar Gar - When one puts another shrimp onto an already shrimp laden barby.

-Tasmanian Angel - A wild and crazy animal that uses it's ability to spin extremely fast in order to reconstruct ravaged forests.

-Walter Cronkite - A drink consisting of 1 part lemonade and 2 parts ocean water popularized by the famous Australian weatherman Walter Cronkite.

-Muzzi Umphca - To travel by dingo.

-Monday - Sunday

Medical Jargon

I just started dating a nurse and I really like her. The only problem is, when she tells me stories about her job she has a habit of slipping into “nurse speak”. No matter how hard I try, I eventually tune out because I have no idea what she’s talking about. So for the sake of me not screwing up a good thing, can you please decode some of this medical jargon for me? – Cliff (Saint Cloud, MN)

List Generated:

-Stuccabolectomy - Surgical removal of a stucca: This patient has an engorged stucca, looks like we’ll be doing a stuccaboletomy. This is my fifth one today. I hate stuccaboletomies.

-Glover – A territorial nurse who insists on being the nurse who puts gloves on a surgeon: What do you think you’re doing Todd, everyone knows that I’m the glover. I’ve earned this.

-Swillpanda – Infant who only consumes bamboo: Poor thing, only eats bamboo, I blame the mother for his case of swillpanda.

-Claudette – Endearing nickname for the machine that converts nurse tears into electricity: If Todd tries to put gloves on a surgeon one more time, I’m gonna send him to Claudette. God knows we could use the electricity she would generate with his tears.

-Goggles – Nickname for that one janitor who wears sports goggles sometimes: Goggles!!!

-Gastrodiplocerebral – Patient has second brain in stomach: I’m envious of that gastrodiplocerbral in room 3c, if I had a second functioning brain in my stomach, I probably wouldn’t visit Claudette so often, but God knows we could use the electricity she generates with my tears.

-Hemoignite Damage – Patient’s acid blood is burning holes in the floor: Goggles! Mop up that blood before there’s more hemoignite damage!

-CPK Infection – California pizza kidney infection: I’m staaaaaarrrrving, let’s order some CPK Infection.

Cool Ways To Say Goodbye

When my daughter was leaving the house the other day I said, "later" and she gave me that look that I used to give my dad whenever he said something hopelessly outdated. Can you update me on the newest and coolest ways of saying goodbye? - Dennis (Cold Springs, TN)

List Generated:

-Bouncies

-Dinner

-Chowbye

-Fare Thee Well

-Be Watching Your Every Move Online

-Shalomers

-Geebees

-Boose

-Peace Be With You Goopy

Scrabble Words (With Definitions)

I’m flying home for the holidays and that means I’m going to be goaded into playing at least one or two games of Scrabble against my pretentious brother and his well read wife. Just once I’d like to beat them, can you recommend some good Scrabble words and define them if it’s not too much trouble? – Judith (Fort Bragg, NC)

List Generated:

-Leeoablex – A process a peach undergoes.

-Xzxeoloo – Entomologist term for the timid way insects say hello for the first time.

-Syo – What humans will say in reverence of their mighty World King in 3009 A.A.D.

-Lyii – When 3 or more person gather around a plate of clams.

-Eeeeeeeiiiuu – What the mighty World King replies when greeted with a “Syo”.

-Vuxtab – To purposefully inject a monkey with a highly contagious end game disease.

-Kropduxt – To successfully knock down eight straight 3-pointers when no one is looking.

-Yicku – To be 90% sure of something.