Things To Check For Before Moving Into A House Built Atop A Dormant Volcano

My wife and I just had our second child and we need to move into a larger house. Luckily, we found this amazing deal where the developer sealed up the business end of a dormant volcano with cement and then built a beautiful three-bedroom house on top of it. The price is certainly right, but can you think of any reasons why we shouldn't move into it? Can you get back to me soon, I understand there's another couple interested. - Forest (Mauna Kea, HI)

List Generated:

-Before signing that lease, make sure the volcano is actually a volcano and not a mudcano. Nobody wants to live atop a mudcano, dormant or not.

-Visit the house at night, just to get a better sense of how safe the neighborhood is.

-Be sure the developer didn't originally seal the volcano with concrete for the purpose of trapping a demon or some other evil spirit.

-Check for hot floors regularly.

-Make sure your children's school has a bus that can drive up the side of a dormant volcano.

-If something is too good to be true, it might just be. Find out why the price is so low.

-Dormant volcanoes are mother earth's dried up tear ducts. Never forget that.

Bath & Bodyworks Aroma Therapy Candles

Whenever I'm feeling down or just not like myself, I spark up a fat Bath & Bodyworks aroma therapy candle and then just chill out or whatever. The thing is, when you're at the B&B, you can't exactly test out their candles. Sure, you can smell them unlit and all, but that's just not the same and you know it. What are the best smelling candles that will relax me? - Rick (Green River, WY)

List Generated:

-Comfortable Watermelon

-Angel's Wing

-Rainkissed Pillow

-Lethargic Vanilla Bunny

-Honey Mantra

-Goodnight Nurse

-Zest of Meatball

-Cocoa Pebble Leaf

-Uncontrollable Laughter

-Sleepy Fingers

-Blood Thirst

Step Stools

I'm in the market for a new step stool, but there's so many dang fancy new step stools, I just want to give up already! Can you help an old lady find a nice quality step stool so she can reach the fabric softener above the ice box? - Milly (Liberal, KS)

List Generated:

-Sir Steppy

-GE Scouter*

-Gillette Mach3 Stulesion

-Port-a-stepper

-GE Lil' Brother*

-Butterfly of Death Stool

-Mr. Pigeon**

-The Hot Stepper

-Eno***

* - Streams a video feed directly to General Electric

** - Streams a video feed directly to Citigroup

*** - Part instrument, part stool and part artwork, this stool's innovative controls allow anyone to create unique ambient melodies by simply stepping on the stool.