Beck Lyrics

I've always thought of Beck as a modern day Dylan, and when I told a friend of mine that he laughed and said that I was ridiculous. Can you generate a list of the Beck lyrics that will best convince my friend that Beck is a poetic genius. - Terry (Reform, OH)

List Generated:

-I get boogie woogie down like the speed of a bullet, talking to your mother from the side of my gullet.

-Hijack my breakfast from a diffident bird, eatin' my lunch dance while my speech is still slurred.

-You stole broken umbrellas, from my sister, keepin' tab-o-rellas on the sinister mister.

-Scu-ba diving in the oval office, I reform the kidneys like an old man novice.

-Slathering pudding in the swimming pool mansion, magician's headlights like a tan man face trance.

-A caterpillar mustache all over my body, a dollar off coupon on lobotomy haircuts.

-Cinderella, smellin' like garlic, smashin' and grabbin' at the pumpkin patch glass.

-Sandwich toppings, electric shockings, smell the alligator, it's a razor blade steroid.

Heckles

Yo, me an my friends are going to a comedy club tonight. We do this like once a month or so, and they are totally great at heckling the comics. I, on the other hand, suck at it and end up feeling stupid. Can you give me a few zingers to throw these comics off their game? - Jake (Clovis, NM)

List Generated:

-I already heard you tell all these jokes last night.

-Who are you to be making fun of airline pilots?

-You stole that joke from me.

-I can see your lips moving while you make the puppet talk.

-You remind me of my friend Aaron from High School.

-I haven't seen this many bombs since I visited this one bomb factory outside of Tulsa.

-Do that super finger thing from the Dane Cook CD.

-What do you mean everyone hates hecklers?

-No they don't.

-Hecklers are why people go to see comedy dude.

-No, you're an idiot.

Home Run Calls

Hey, I'm a radio broadcaster for the minor league baseball team the Hickory Crawdads. Over the years I've studied the greats in my profession, and the one thing they have in common is they all have amazing home run calls, (i.e. Harry Carry's "Hooooollllly Cow!"). I've been trying to develop my own, but it seems like all the good ones are taken. Do you know any good ones? - Deke (Hickory, NC)

List Generated:

-Hit hard! It coullllllllddddd beeeeeeee, JURASSIC PARK!!!!!

-Belted, looks like this BATapeller just became a BALLerfly!

-Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior... YESSS!

-Le sloppy american frapper la balle de toutes ses forces! Gooooaaaalll!

-Red Bull gives you wings... Goodbye!

-Ground control to major ball! See ya!

-Yackity yack! This one's back! At the wall that is, well, actually over the wall. Excuse me for trying to make a rhyme, soorrrrry.

-Is there anything more beautiful in this otherwise meaningless existence?

-*sigh*

Jam Bands

I've been into jams ever since I picked up Lawn Boy in '91, but there's so many 'mazing shows out there, I don't know where to start. If you could follow a band this summer, who would it be? - Sky (Stannard, VT)

List Generated:

-Whole of Sound

-Namas Daze

-Scott Tussen Project

-Spirit Surrenderer

-Flightless Bird

-Rag Mountain Sardine Experiment

-5 Man Mandolin Wrecking Crew

-Suns of Water

-Boba

Butter Substitutes

My new year's resolution was to lose weight, but I just love to put butter on things, (i.e. crackers, toast, waffles). I feel like if I can find a butter substitute that I like I could cut tons of fat out of my diet. What are your favs? - Rex (Beacon Hill, CO)

List Generated:

-Foodables All Natural Bunner

-Margilean

-"Butter"

-Spreadable Yellow Pads

-I Disagree That This Is Not Butter

-Nu'bUtTerR

-Pepsi Clear Butter

Cool Ways To Say Goodbye

When my daughter was leaving the house the other day I said, "later" and she gave me that look that I used to give my dad whenever he said something hopelessly outdated. Can you update me on the newest and coolest ways of saying goodbye? - Dennis (Cold Springs, TN)

List Generated:

-Bouncies

-Dinner

-Chowbye

-Fare Thee Well

-Be Watching Your Every Move Online

-Shalomers

-Geebees

-Boose

-Peace Be With You Goopy

Freezer Foods

I'm a broke student who survives mostly off of ramen noodles and bad caf food. I just got a mini fridge with a big ol' freezer cubbie in it and I'm overwhelmed by the tons of freezer foods available at the store. What should I get? - Rick (Hartland, WV)

List Generated:

-Tough Muffins

-TGIF's Calamari Poppers

-Bristles

-Soccer Kidz EZ Eggrules!!!1

-Roast Beef Miniwiches

-Mo'gurt Blasters

-Fancy Burritos

-Cheese Shramps